Monday, October 29, 2007

Monday Mission: Enquiring Minds...

Todays mission was: YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR! What are the tabloids saying about you today? I had a lot of fun thinking of all the ways I could go with this, but it's also a little sad that Actual Stars really DO get press like this. Which makes me infinitely grateful that I live in relative obscurity. Even so, here is what they would be saying about me today. Or last week. Or the week before that...

But What We Really Want to Know is: Was She Wearing Any Underwear?
Theflyingmum, or "TFM" as she is also sometimes called, was spotted wearing the same gray yoga pants three days in a row while dropping off young Ben at school last week. While it's well known that some stars will repeatedly wear the same pants out in public in an effort to thwart paparazzi - making it appear that all pictures were taken on the same day - the public is, we think, keen enough to realize that Ben could not possibly be dropped off at school three times in one day. We have to ask ourselves; what kind of message is she trying to send here? Is she just hastily pulling on whatever happens to be draped across the foot of the bed? Or worse... the floor?! Are they even clean? Is she clean? Did she bother to take a shower? And what does this behavior say to young Ben? That it's OK to let your appearance slide just because you think no-one will notice? We noticed, TFM. We noticed. At this point, it's doubtful that Ben will ever pen such a tribute as:
"Mama, thanks for being the best role model in the world. I want to be just like you when I'm older!"
Fans have been suspicious of TFM's hastily conceived "outfits" and rumors are circulating that she is behind on the laundry, and that Ben was down to his last pair of clean skivvies this morning. Some circles are speculating that TFM has been going through a bout of mild depression due to her recent birthday. When her husband (TFH) was contacted and asked to confirm this, his only comment was "No comment." One can't help but feel sorry for poor little Ben, growing up in a household with a slovenly mother and taciturn father and, according to Ben, far to little sugar. TFM, we beg you: go shopping, do some laundry, talk to your husband. And for poor little Ben's sake, bake some cookies! The following have posted their Monday Scandal Sheets as well: 1. A shocking speculation from Painted Maypole 2. Get inside the mind of a Rock Legend over at Sober Briquette (it's better to change careers, than to fade away...) 3. See toddlers behaving badly at Suz's Place 4. Your Afternoon Celebrity gossip Report at 1010 Pippert. 5. Kathryn, a celebrity who is serious, rather than scandalous. (congrats on the Oscar... AGAIN.) Got something for me? Shhhh I won't tell. Wait, yes I will - I'll put a link up to your post, just email or let me know via comments!

17 comments:

Jennifer said...

That's great! (And, so sadly true in my world -- eek!)

Victoria said...

LOVED it!!!

Julie Pippert said...

LOL...that's great. And the kid comment about far too little sugar LOL!

I hope better late than never is okay because I finally found a free minute to do mine! This was too great a topic to miss!

Link below:

Julie
Using My Words

My post

Afternoon Celeb Gossip on the 10s! She's been a bad, bad blogger

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha ha ha!

that one could have been written about me, as well!

Tracey said...

Awesome post.

Suz said...

I envy your gray yoga pants...mine finally acquired enough holes to be unwearable and I miss them!

Kathryn said...

Funny! The same could have been said about my except I would have been wearing running pants and a sweatshirt. Very funny.
I had a lot of fun with this one. Thanks for the mission idea. :)

Kathryn said...

Sorry. That's me, not my. The same could have been said about me. Oops.

Alpha DogMa said...

Way to foil the paps, honey. Do you also make thrice daily runs to the Starbucks like Brit? You know she doesn't wear panties either.

I don't judge the moms who go to school drop OFF in pajamas. I do judge the moms who go to school drop off fully dressed and well coiffed, but with their preschool children in pajamas. Because that just makes me think their priorities are fucked.

Sober Briquette said...

I thought AlphaDogma was going to say she judges the moms who pick up in pajamas (ducking in shame).

TFM, this could definitely be me, except there is no shortage of sugar in this household, as evidenced by the flour handprints and cookie dough smears on my three-day-old pants.

Actual dialog from Saturday:

Mom, what you're wearing looks good, but your hair? It's kind of snarly.

Honey, that's how my hair is, it's neither smooth nor curly. It is snarly.

Mom! I said snarly, not gnarly.

Sara said...

This totally could have been about me. Well done!!

theflyingmum said...

The gray pants are off. Laundry will be done tonight.

Family Adventure said...

Another awesome entry. I think I've read them all now. You were all brilliant!

Thanks for the laughs.

Heidi :)

Anonymous said...

Doh! Late happy birthday from your MUCH older sister, who is wearing giant plaid Calvin Klein jammie bottoms. Yes, you know which ones.

With age comes forgetfulness. It is something you can look forward to, she says in a fake voice of doooooom.
-k

Mad Hatter said...

Give that boy some sugar! Children NEED sugar!!!! SUGAR NOW!!!!

(Can you tell I am commenting on Halloween?)

Sorry to be late to the party (birthday and otherwise). This was, once again, sparkling with wit. BTW, I just turned 42. Are we the same age or do I have it over you by a wee bit?

theflyingmum said...

Ouch, I just turned 44. I had a post all planned for my b-day, but that day I really didn't feel like blogging - which is (and will be) a post in itself.(oooooo, foreshadowing....)

allrileyedup said...

Hilarious!