Monday, September 24, 2007

Monday Mission: REJECTED

The following is my submission for this week's Monday Mission, the last of four hosted by Painted Maypole, which was to be written in the form of a rejection letter.

September 24, 2007
Dear Fat Cells, We recently received your resume and application for employment here at C.O.R.P.U.S. Amplus. We regret to inform you, however, that we are not currently taking on any new Fat Cells in the Cellulite department in which your resume indicated you have previous experience. In fact, we are attempting to scale back our entire Fat Cell operation, as we are similarly maxed out in the Hip, Abdomen, Upper Arm and Chin departments. We are directing your inquiry for employment to our sister company C.O.R.P.U.S. Minimus, who may be looking for a few additional Fat Cells. This letter does not serve as confirmation of employment there, personnel will contact you if there are any openings. Sincerely, E. N. Docrine Director of Personnel, C.O.R.P.U.S. Amplus Incoprporated
Painted Maypole has passed the torch on to me for the month of October, so for next Monday, October 1, be thinking of ideas for new TV shows...

16 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh, so that's how to get rid of them?!

Ha! Very cute.

Beck said...

Send that letter to my fat now, please.

painted maypole said...

hysterical!

I am loving today's mission - so far every post has made me laugh!

Magpie said...

That's great!

But if anything, the banner is weirder...it hangs over the two black lines of the border on the right, and is shade inside the border on the left (so there's a little white space between the inside black line and the photo). Can you just get rid of the black lines? It may then hang over a bit to the right, but it won't be as noticeable.

Emily said...

Dude. I need one for my cholesterol.

Jen M. said...

E.N. Docrine - I get it - after a moment's pause. This was so creative!!

Rimarama said...

Yo, I got some fat cells for da C.O.R.P.U.S. Mini-misses myself. I'll just send them along . . .

Very funny!

slouching mom said...

E. N. Docrine

Hahahahahahah!

Good one!

NotSoSage said...

And tell them that C.O.R.P.U.S. Amplus' Canadian subsidiary isn't hiring either.

Too funny.

alejna said...

Very clever!

I wonder if this is one of those rare cases where we should root for downsizing.

"C.O.R.P.U.S. Amplus Incorporated." Funny. I liked the doctor's name, too.

Rebecca said...

hee hee -

I was reading this seriously at first (der - takes me a while to get jokes sometimes!!) but I burst out laughing and frightened my husband (and myself) when I eventually got it.

Um...can I borrow this letter??...there are some fat cells I'd like to send it to.

Mad Hatter said...

Ya, good one! I loves me the word play and this is word play at its best. Surely the services of such a dedicated careerist could be used for breast implants or some such other thing that they are currently stuck using silicone for.

And as for your husband, surely he can still be TFH; it's just that now he is stationed at home base.

Nowheymama said...

Hmm. Maybe I'll be better at doing October's Monday Missions....

Great post!

Pinks & Blues said...

Ahhh... I need to write a letter to the same people. This freaking baby weight won't go away and mama doesn't want anymore fat cells appearing!
- Audrey
Pinks & Blues

Mary G said...

I love this! Perfect. I'm thinking on ideas for next month, too.

Alpha DogMa said...

Can you cc that on my behalf. Thanks.